Does this teen fantasy story sound cliche, or okay?
Okay, just for a first note: this is just a rought outline of the story. this is supposed to have a hint of mystery and I did not list all of the details of the story because I don't want this thing too long. And I know it sounds like Maximum Ride a tiny bit, so don't bother commenting if you're just going to tell me that, thank you. Also, I'm only 13, so cut me a tiny bit of slack if it sounds dicey. Jackie Wolf - main character Devin Wolf - Jackie's brother Coal Shay - Jordan and Devin's old friend Jordan Cooper - Devin and Coal's old friend who went missing a long time ago with no warning Violet Flore (Emily Shay) - Coal's sister who went missing with her father when their house exploded, killing their mother Charles Flore (Thomas Shay) - the scientist behind everything including Jackie's flight ability. Jackie wakes up in a strange hospital in Chicago where she overhears that her doctor, Dr. Flore, wants to kill her before she can escape and tell the world about his secret organization. He steals one last vial of her DNA before she escapes with her brother Devin, a 16 and 14 year old roaming the streets of Chicago alone. Devin takes her back to the orphanage he lives at, explaining that their parents were killed by a mysterious murderer when they were younger. After meeting Coal, and hearing what he has to say about things, she becomes confused and wishes to leave, start over where she isn't worrying about anything but school work and how her hair looks. She steals two hundred dollars from the orphanage, feeling bad about it and takes a train to Port Huron, Michigan from Chicago, getting a fake ID that says she's 16. She meets a boy named Alex White on the train who gives her a ride home in his cousin Danny's car. She lives in Lexington, meeting a girl named Bridgette and a boy named Logan who help her out and give her a place to stay under the gazebo by the gas station. The longer she stays in Lexington, the more time she spends with Danny, and the more she gets to like him. She goes to school for a few months when a helicopter swoops in over Lexington and two people jump out, a man and a woman, and steal Danny just as Jackie and Danny are about to kiss. The woman tells her she has three days to get to New York City or Danny, Coal, and Devin will be dead. She uses the remainder of her money to buy a train ticket from Port Huron to Aberdeen, Maryland where she doesn't have any more money, and she only has two days left to get to New York City. While sitting on the edge of a rocky shoreline cliff in Maryland, she discovers her amazing ability of flight. She flies all the way to NYC where she kills Flore and learns his true identity, Thomas Shay, also known as Coal's father, and Violet Flore is Coal's sister, Emily. Emily then leaves with Jackie's DNA, and Jackie has a slight idea of what she could do with it... Sorry it's so long. I'm missing a lot of information still, but I don't know if this is even worth writing... I mean, so far it's 50 pages long with 3 chapters... and I already have the entire series planned out; I've been working on this outline since I was 9 I'm also contemplating whether or not the whole flying concept is cliche because it comes along so suddenly... I mean, there will be clues throughout the story mentioning that she can fly, but she doesn't realize it until the end. I've also already planned out all five books in the series, all the way down to Juliette's death. So, please just help me out by telling me if you like it or not, thank you! (THIS IS A TEEN FANTASY BOOK) thanks for the advice rainy days. the first book was meant to be slower, and the Dr. Flore person isn't the only enemy. There are three others, Juliette, Emily, and Nicholas still left. I think I forgot to mention him. If you could actually read the story though, the way I see it in my head, the scene would not be the same as the rich guy in a car...
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Sounds pretty cool. I'd probably read it.
The flying isn't a great idea... sorry. I read a book once, called "How Not to Write a Novel" which has a section about this. Basically, it's like the author is digging themselves out of a hole by inventing a new character, or in this case, an ability, to save the day. In the book, I believe that their example went like this: in the midst of the climax of the plot, the protagonist and some attractive woman he found along the way have no way of escaping, it looks like their doomed... when a rich man in a nice car drives up, lets them in, and says their worries are over, and that he would fix everything for them. The End. Basically, you can't do that (if you want the novel to be good). Either think of something else (usually with some failed attempts to kill the bad guy a few times before succeeding, but at the same time sacrificing something important to do it), or scrap the whole idea and start anew!