Saturday, August 1, 2009

Could you grade my essay please

Could you grade my essay please?
April Morning Essay on Maturity Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “A mature person is one who does not think in only absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably. (Eleanor Roosevelt)” Eleanor Roosevelt is saying that a person is mature when they learn to think and act differently. In the story April Morning, by Howard Fast, death is in the air. The British have come to Lexington, and are prepared to kill. As the townsmen stumble at the commons, one shot is made and Adam Cooper’s life changes forever. Adam Cooper is a fifteen-year old boy, desperate for his father, Moses Cooper’s, respect. When the call was made that the British were coming, Adam goes to fight them. He is very motivated until his father was shot. Now Adam has to fight the battle and the flight for life alone. Typically a boy becomes a “man,” after growing through challenges, and physical growth, but in the story April Morning, Adam Cooper becomes a man over a course of two challenging days during the war of Lexington and Concord. Adam matures when he experiences death, meets Solomon Chandler, and returns from the war. To commence, Adam Cooper becomes a man when he experiences loss. The horse rider screamed, “ The British are coming, the British are coming!”(55). All the village men scurried to the commons to sign the Muster Book. Hours after, the British arrive with muskets and bayonets, ready to kill. The British man on a horse rode right up to Moses and Boom! The first shot was fired and Moses Cooper was dead. The pain flew through Adam like birds on a spring day. He could not stop, for he would be dead too. He ran to hide behind a ditch. Jonas Parker lied with a bayonet through him. Blood poured out everywhere. After witnessing the terrible holocaust, Adam said, “I began to think of how much blood a man has, you just never know that a man can bleed so much, a red river coming out of him, until you see it happen…”(103). From there on, Adam knew that he needed to be very meticulous of where he was, because the British are their cruel adversaries to the men of Lexington. He heard the British inching closer, and made a run for the smoke house. Adam avoided the reality and just kept running. Heavy with thoughts, Adam hid in the smoke house and cried. He bawled his eyes out, until there was only a little tear left in his eye. Soon, a small voice echoed from around the corner, “Adam, Adam Cooper?” It was Levi, who had also scrutinized at his dead father. Together they cried in the smoke house. Adam then realized that he would now have to become a fatherly figure to his little brother Levi. “…I told myself that from now on, I would take care of him just as if I was his own father,”(108). As Adam Cooper becomes a man, he experiences the harsh reality of death that comes with war. To Adam, everything was the inclement reality of war, until he met Solomon Chandler, who helped him fortify his troubles with loss and war. Running from reality was a good idea for Adam. As he ran, his heart pounded out of him, until he hit Solomon Chandler. Solomon Chandler was a large freckly old man. He was very belligerent. Solomon Chandler knew everything about war, and tried to pass it onto Adam. When Adam first ran into him, he was still devastated from his father’s death. Solomon Chandler told Adam to let out his grief because holding it in would only make it worse. Adam soon prattled, “ My fathers dead. Talking like this won’t bring him back. (117T)." By saying that, Adam shows that he has matured, because he knows the reality of the dour situation. Later, the two men ate a hearty meal before leaving Lexington and heading for Concord. Solomon Chandler and Adam soon ran into Cousin Simmons and a few other men, and formed a group to fight the British. The group soon split into two, but they still were after the same goal. Solomon Chandler and Adam guised themselves behind a stone wall, and redressed the guns to shoot a bloody old Redcoat. Adam became a “pro” at shooting the guns. He was learning an abundance of information from Solomon Chandler. When Adam Cooper met Solomon Chandler, he matured greatly. When Adam returns from the war, he has metamorphosed into a totally different person. For example, Mother said, “Adam Cooper, fifteen years-old but over night, a man…” (193M). Adam thought a bit differently, but everyone could tell that he had changed. Although returning safely from the war was a huge shock for their family and friends, it was an even bigger shock when they found out that Adam wasn’t really dead. A letter had been sent to the town, saying that Adam Cooper had died in the war, because he had fallen asleep, but Solomon Chandler and Cousin Simmons had mistaken it for death. Everyone was so proud and ecstatic By the way, I am 13, and the rest of the essay did not fit, but could you please help me!
Primary & Secondary Education - 2 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
It's very good. Right now, as it is, I would give you a B. I have a few suggestions that would make it an easier and more interesting read. 1. Don't use so many "to be" verbs; your first paragraph was chock-full of them. 2. Don't use the word "holocaust" to describe anything. It's a very limited term that has become associated with The Holocaust, therefore, others might get offended when it is used to describe any kind of death that does not equal the magnitude of death experienced in that time period. Other than that, your writing is great.
2 :
B- too choppy etc.

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